I believe in God, a legalistic, rationalistic deity,
Who made heaven and earth
For America and Israel, His two chosen nations:
America was conceived aboard the Mayflower,
Born at Philadelphia,
Suffered during the Civil War,
Was crucified, dead, and buried;
She descended into hell.
The fifth year she arose again from the dead.
She ascended to the heights,
And sitteth on the right hand of God with Israel;
From whence they judge the nations.
I believe in the Holy Will of the People;
The church of professional sports;
The sacred communion of war veterans;
The hatred of Russia;
The shedding of the body;
And the transhumanist life everlasting.
Based on the version of the Apostles’ Creed found here:
http://www.reformed.org/documents/index.html?mainframe=http://www.reformed.org/documents/apostles_creed.html, opened 8 Nov. 2016
Holy Ælfred the Great, King of England, South Patron, pray for us sinners at the Souð!
Anathema to the Union!